project rednoW - Chap Stickin' It To The Man

Chap Stickin' It To The Man

Written by Matt Browning

Monday, 17 September 2007

Dear askbrowning,

A friend of mine recently started smoking cigarettes, and I was wondering if you had any ideas of how to confront him about the addictive properties and health risks of cigarettes.

Sincerely,

Matt (Kalamazoo, MI)

Matt,

That is a difficult situation you find yourself in, it is never easy to confront a friend, especially when it comes to addiction. Not long ago a friend of mine found himself caught in the tangled web of addiction. He wasn't addicted to cigarettes; in fact it was much worse-chapstick. That's right, chapstick. You see the chapstick industry is often overlooked, but is one of the most manipulative industries in the world. The oil industry?...tobacco companies? Their bush-leaguers compared to the chapstick industry.

You see, your lips naturally produce their own lubricating oils, but when we apply chapstick we stifle the body's ability to produce such oils and we become dependent on chapstick. But the real kicker is that many of the chemicals used in chapstick, though giving a tingling feeling and the impression of moisturizing, actually work to dry out one's lips. And even more business savvy than the tobacco industry, the chapstick industry isn't killing their clients, just making them undesirable to kiss.

So when I had to confront my friend about his chapstick addiction I came to him understanding that it would be difficult for him to quit cold turkey. So I suggested that he try chewing gum. Well, I forgot that he had recently gotten adult braces and was unable to chew gum. So I raced down to the nearest drug store knowing that if he was going to beat this addiction it would begin with having something besides chapstick in his pocket when his next craving hit. I asked the girl working at the drug store what she would recommend for a friend trying to beat a chapstick addiction. She said that she often fought off her own oral fixation cravings with an unfiltered cigarette. So I bought my friend a pack of unfiltered smokes and a year later he is still chapstick free (though he is smoking a pack and a half a day).

So Matt, basically when helping a friend beat addiction it's really about being creative. Good luck.

Your Boy,

askbrowning

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