Dear askbrowning,

            Have you ever done that thing, where you write a letter to someone but instead of sending it to that person you send the letter to a newspaper to publish or post it on the internet?  I think it's called an "open letter."

                                                Best Wishes,

Doc,

            To be honest I have been meaning to write an open letter someone for sometime now.  The problem is that I don't really give a crap about politics or social issues (unless it involves the U.S. beef supply of course (I really got into that after seeing Fast Food Nation)) or dogs, so there's really never been much a reason for me to write an open letter.  Plus writing an open letter is like saying that the person you are writing to is really famous since you are assuming that everyone would want to read his/her mail.  After giving some thought to what famous person I would like to write an open letter to I decided that the most famous person I would want to be in contact with is well... myself (I'm VERY big in the lower 48).  So here is my open letter to myself:

Dear askbrowning, 

           Maybe not everyone thinks it's cool when you pinch and twist their nipples.  Sure it gained you fame in high school, but you're not in high school anymore.  Get over it.  You also seem to have no sense of when it is appropriate to start a group chant and when it is not... Like at your sister's wedding when after the priest said "you may kiss the bride," you shouted "are you not entertained" (in your best Russell Crowe voice) and then tried to get everyone to chant "Spaniard, Spaniard..." like in the movie Gladiator (or maybe you thought of it because that clip is also on Jay-Z's Black Album) just because your brother-in-law's last name is Hernandez (not to mention the fact that his grandparents are actually from Venezuela and he has lived in Iowa his whole life).  Finally, just because you have gained 20 pounds in the last two months doesn't mean people want to touch your "party gut," as you call it.  And don't forget to wear sunscreen.

                                                Sincerely,

                                                            askbrowning 

Ok, ok, so I stole that last line from The Sunscreen Song by Baz Luhrmann, but it's still good advice to follow.  So now, Dr. Steve, I can answer you question with a resounding YES, I have written an open letter before.

                                                Sincerely,

                                                            askbrowning 

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